So over the course of the last couple weeks, my relationship has been put to the test...now mind you, it passed with flying colors...however, it has brought up an interesting point of debate. Is a good D/s relationship like a game of Marco, Polo where you are seeking out a mate that fits your needs like a puzzle from the get go...or is it more like the slow masterful creation of a sculpture out of a lump of clay...obviously the ingredients blend together to make a cohesive unit, but it takes the interplay of the skilled hands of the master and the pliable nature of the clay to make a work of art.
I have seen big D types go through little s types like bridezilla might go through dresses in a bridal shop --too big, too small, not flashy enough, too gaudy, that one won't show off the girls, dear lord where did the rest of that one go...you start to wonder if after the 4th 'collared' submissive is released in nearly as many months if that big D wants the perfect match and is unwilling, incapable, or just doesn't know how to put the work in to create what they want. However, I know this is the negative end of this view point. I have seen people who seem to meet each other's needs from the get go. It is quite a beautiful thing when it happens...one that I know nothing of. HAH.
Which leads me to the concept of building something out of nothing...however, it really isn't out of nothing. Every relationship has a foundation. I can already tell you that certain character traits that I know our deeply rooted in the core of who I am make me much more suited for this path...for instance, my hopeless fascination with the idea of love at first sight...or my desire to see to the heart of people and truly bring out what is good and deserving and special...the whole diamond in the rough ideal. So you find that one person that you just can't live with out...but then you realize awww, hell --as far as styles you are as opposite as you can be, at times you are communication retarded, and you can't find the words to describe your differences or your needs...all the sudden the perfect person is no longer so perfect and you become one of the people who start looking for that missing puzzle piece from the get go...This very scenario makes my heart sad. Where there is a will, there is a way. The beauty of this lifestyle lies in the opportunities to learn all these skills deemed necessary for a successful relationship in a nonthreatening environment with others doing the same thing.
I have added so many useful tools to my communication belt in my short couple years in the community. How to navigate figuring out what you want vs what you need, determining the manner in which you give and receive love to determine if it is compatible, allowing the other person their emotions even when it hurts you to do so, realizing when it is about you vs when it is about them, understanding the benefit and the difference between personal growth and growth as a couple, learning to use phrases that they need to hear that gets the point across that you need to make, learning to do things for their continued presence in the relationship, and last in the last but not last in the grand scheme of things...taking time to reflect and remember what it is you fell in love with about that person and still love about that person AT LEAST once every single day.
I have to say, my boy and I have been together almost 3 years and Lord knows we were blissfully unaware of our differences for a while and it took intentional purposeful conversation and interchange to discover where we were and where we want to be, and where we have to head to get there. But what a rewarding experience to go through together. How much more beautiful the interchange when we both know the work it took to get there and the emotion behind each request or act or task. To be a part of such growth and development and amazing energy is a true blessing...one that I simply cannot take for granted. We are stronger and closer now than we have ever been, but only just beginning this journey to where we want to eventually be.
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
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