And now the moment that will shape the course of the rest of my blog...
What the hell I mean when I say Femme Daddy. So by combination of the previous two posts this would mean a female identified person who is noticeable or stereotypically feminine in appearance or manner who takes the dominant fatherly role within a kink or leather relationship. So for what that really looks like...
In no particular order, I may two step but I will take the lead always, I have no qualms wearing combat boots with a denim mini, I will beat your ass black and blue but you will carry my bags and set up my scene for me, I will pummel you with my foam bats but they are hot pink, I will give you a lecture about your wrong doings and accompany that with poetry recitation, my Daddy look is conveyed just as strongly from behind mascara and red lipstick, I will kick you with my combat boots...that have embroidered roses up the side, I may wear makeup but I am not afraid to mess it up to teach you a lesson, I may wear a hair fascinator and barrettes and such, but I will pull my hair back to get down to business, I can stand in my girl outfit a toss a drink back or smoke a cigar with the best of the other Daddies, I will use my cock to piss on my boy straight from underneath my skirt, and I know my attachable cock doesn't have to have balls for me to take other people's. =D
So I couldn't tell you really when I knew this was how I identified. There was no single 'Aha!' moment...more a slow coming into my own. I tried the jeans, military pants, boots black shirts thing...but I missed my skirts and the lace and the frills and everything else. Then I swung the opposite way with heels and corsets and the whole nine yard but that sooo did not work. My boy even contemplated the mommy nick as he did something that Daddies don't really have to offer, but again major FAIL. So to once again be blazing trails and starting fires. Here's to the sweet life!
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Daddy, please...
Do you ever have personality traits of qualities that until someone points them out you don't really know exist or do not realize the full potential of them. This is how my Daddy side came to be.
So what is a Daddy within the leather community...It is an dominant individual, usually male, in the kink community who takes on the fatherly role within a D/s relationship. So again I say, what does that look like in my own life...
In no particular order, I love my boy, I am apt to use punishment as a learning opportunity and not just for the hell of it, I wear well shined boots as often as I can, I can cut and smoke a cigar and use my boy as an ashtray, I can make sex about sex and nothing more, I can hold my own in a fight, I can exude a raw energy that is outside the bounds of feminine energy, I am a fan of saying rub some dirt in it, I am fiercely protective and will come to blows over what is mine, I know that sometimes people have to learn lessons on their own or they won't stick, I am not afraid to let my boy get a black eye every now and again to help him grow, I expect no less than someone's best or it just isn't worth playing the game, I know I wear the pants in the relationship, I know the power of a well given lecture over corporal punishment, I love knowing that I help boys (or girls) achieve personal growth.
No, calling myself Daddy is not about penis envy, that is the beauty of a strap on...I have yet to see a biomale strap on a cunt. They don't know what they are missing, lol. I am not denouncing my feminine side, hence still calling myself femme. I don't want to be a male. I don't feel like men are the superior sex. I do not need to call myself Daddy to gain respect or feel powerful.
I do have a strong relationship with my own Dad. I am very much like him and if you are ever around the two of us together you will inevitably hear us bust out with the same phrase at the same time or display the same habits or have the same views on things. It is what it is. Additionally, I definitely see parallels between how my dad treats my mom and how I treat my boy. At times it makes me proud, and at times it makes me reconsider my actions if I see my mom getting hurt. In some ways it has been very eye opening and given me insight into Daddy/boy relationships in a way that casual observance of the leather community cannot.
Additionally, it was my boy who asked to call me Daddy, rather then the other way around. It slipped out one day, much in the way an 'I love you' gets thrown into a relationship for the first time, and for me it was just as meaningful. At some point that same night, I had strapped and forced my boy to deep throat my cock, but when he actually said it he was over my knee being spanked and he asked "One more, Daddy, please..." He then turned bright red as if he had done something wrong and watched my face to see how I would react. It was like a new wine that you roll around your mouth to see how it tastes before making a final decision. Of course, out loud to validate my boy's feelings I said, 'Tell Daddy how bad you want it.' The first several times it was said helped to break it in and now it is like a favorite pair of jeans. It just flat does it for me. I don't make a big deal about pronouns even when he calls me Daddy. They just aren't important to me in the way they are to others. I will respond equally to either. Being called Daddy goes way beyond pronouns or gender references. It is more the feeling of the energy exchanged between my boy and I...raw, sexual, loving, encouraging, just me.
Where the blend comes in is next...
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
So what is a Daddy within the leather community...It is an dominant individual, usually male, in the kink community who takes on the fatherly role within a D/s relationship. So again I say, what does that look like in my own life...
In no particular order, I love my boy, I am apt to use punishment as a learning opportunity and not just for the hell of it, I wear well shined boots as often as I can, I can cut and smoke a cigar and use my boy as an ashtray, I can make sex about sex and nothing more, I can hold my own in a fight, I can exude a raw energy that is outside the bounds of feminine energy, I am a fan of saying rub some dirt in it, I am fiercely protective and will come to blows over what is mine, I know that sometimes people have to learn lessons on their own or they won't stick, I am not afraid to let my boy get a black eye every now and again to help him grow, I expect no less than someone's best or it just isn't worth playing the game, I know I wear the pants in the relationship, I know the power of a well given lecture over corporal punishment, I love knowing that I help boys (or girls) achieve personal growth.
No, calling myself Daddy is not about penis envy, that is the beauty of a strap on...I have yet to see a biomale strap on a cunt. They don't know what they are missing, lol. I am not denouncing my feminine side, hence still calling myself femme. I don't want to be a male. I don't feel like men are the superior sex. I do not need to call myself Daddy to gain respect or feel powerful.
I do have a strong relationship with my own Dad. I am very much like him and if you are ever around the two of us together you will inevitably hear us bust out with the same phrase at the same time or display the same habits or have the same views on things. It is what it is. Additionally, I definitely see parallels between how my dad treats my mom and how I treat my boy. At times it makes me proud, and at times it makes me reconsider my actions if I see my mom getting hurt. In some ways it has been very eye opening and given me insight into Daddy/boy relationships in a way that casual observance of the leather community cannot.
Additionally, it was my boy who asked to call me Daddy, rather then the other way around. It slipped out one day, much in the way an 'I love you' gets thrown into a relationship for the first time, and for me it was just as meaningful. At some point that same night, I had strapped and forced my boy to deep throat my cock, but when he actually said it he was over my knee being spanked and he asked "One more, Daddy, please..." He then turned bright red as if he had done something wrong and watched my face to see how I would react. It was like a new wine that you roll around your mouth to see how it tastes before making a final decision. Of course, out loud to validate my boy's feelings I said, 'Tell Daddy how bad you want it.' The first several times it was said helped to break it in and now it is like a favorite pair of jeans. It just flat does it for me. I don't make a big deal about pronouns even when he calls me Daddy. They just aren't important to me in the way they are to others. I will respond equally to either. Being called Daddy goes way beyond pronouns or gender references. It is more the feeling of the energy exchanged between my boy and I...raw, sexual, loving, encouraging, just me.
Where the blend comes in is next...
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Let's start with the Femme
So the intent of my next couple posts is to flesh out this idea of a Femme Daddy and to do it justice and make it understandable I will split it into parts and give some personal background.
Today, I will focus on the Femme side as it comes first when I write it out. According to Merriam Webster a femme is a woman (can be lesbian) who is noticeably or stereotypically feminine in appearance or manner. Now what does this mean in my world?
In no specific order...My go to outfit often includes some sort of skirt, I love my long hair, I can rock red lipstick, I expect and appreciate chivalry, roaches don't scare me but that is what I have a boy for, I am a hopeless romantic, I cry at movies, I love to cook and bake, my boots have roses on them, fishnets are my friend, pedicures are a must and boys should know how to do them, I think about marriage because I want a wedding, I have my fair share of blonde moments, I adore getting flowers and yes I even have a favorite, I expect to celebrate holidays and not always have to be the one making the plans, I am not above my date paying for dinner but I won't force it, I know the power of feminine curves and I am ok exploiting them, I am occasionally known to screech when startled, I am in love with hair fascinators, I drink girly alcoholic beverages, I two step (stay tuned for the twist tomorrow), I can wear boots with skirts, I wear pink sometimes just to annoy my boy, my writing is bubbly, I like love letters, I can work a sashay when I know someone is staring at my ass, I don't care that high heels were created to make my ass look bouncier, it is very likely if I think you are hot I know what color your eyes are, I don't like getting dirty if I don't have to or when it is not on my terms, I like to be touched and loved on and seduced before someone fucks me, part of me would rather say gee golly or gosh darn it then damn it all to hell because a lady never swears, I much prefer my boy maintains my car and the yard but I of course know how if I need to, I know I look amazing in a corset, I love wearing expensive perfume, I take bubble baths, I read a cheesy romance novel every Christmas, I love love love the holiday season, I carry a hairbrush in my purse and extra mascara and lip gloss, I keep everything my boy gives me because I like looking at it over and over again, I may wear a leather vest but there will be lace somewhere to compensate, and I am ok with all of it.
I used to fight the femme. I was a tomboy. I didn't own a skirt until my senior year of high school except for my confirmation dress. I wouldn't be caught dead in pink. I play sports. I could out bench press over half of the guys football team in high school, I never went to school dances, I wouldn't miss bonding time with my dad for the world, I knew my way around a tool box, I dated a girl but I had to wear the pants in the relationship, I could burp the alphabet, I loved cutting up things in anatomy class, I like to be the one driving, lord knows my hands weren't broken so why in the hell did I need a door open for me, I liked working so hard I broke a sweat, and i blushed if anyone even pretended to see my curves.
So what changed? I met a boy who let me be me. I decided that I could be girly and femme and still be strong and independent. I decided life was too short to not do what I love doing and I cherish authenticity. I stopped running from the idea that amazon type women - with height and strength and curves - could be feminine. I stopped hating myself. It is definitely a good thing.
Now that I have made myself out to the the ultra-femme, stay tuned for the Daddy side. *wickedgrin*
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Defining a community
To even begin to understand or define one's role within the context of a community, one first must flesh out the idea or definition of the community itself at least in the given context. The particular community in question is...*gasp* Leather. The elusive predominantly gay male, sex driven, masculine stuff of wet dreams founded in the post World War II era of military order, biker clubs, sexual repression, extreme secrecy, and an ever present desire to 'fit in' and find acceptance. So what pray tell does a non gay (strike), female (strike), nonmilitary (strike), twenty nine year old (strike-forget me, my parents were not even born when leather started in the USA) Femme (strike) who has only been on a motorcycle once have to offer to this subject...I am going to go with a fresh perspective and what may possibly be the current allure to an atypical population which is constantly growing in these subsequent generations.
Now is where I am sure someone somewhere is wishing lightning might strike me dead, if it they hadn't wished it already. I am by NO MEANS a leader or authority or historian or final voice or voice at all of the leather community. I am merely a participant observer. For a "true history" or as close as one can get to a history of a community that exists by word of mouth or experience or by actually walking the journey day to day and living to tell about it to us newbies, there are countless other resources that are better suited to the purpose and I will name just a few to start you off if that is what you seek:
Leather Archives Museum http://www.leatherarchives.org/
Women in Leather International http://www.wil-international.org/
National Leather Association - International http://www.nla-i.com/
Gay Leather Fetish History http://www.cuirmale.nl/index.htm
The Old Guard by Guy Baldwin http://www.blackandtansociety.com/ach/gbaldwin.html
This list is by no means extensive and I am by no means endorsing these sites over others, merely giving one a starting place if here is not where you want to be.
So with the hopefully sufficient disclaimer out of the way, why am I hopelessly drawn and engrossed in a subculture that does not seem to have a place for me? In my humble opinion at the core of leather is still this ideal of camaraderie, acceptance, and protection in the face of sexual repression or at the least a lack of true sexual freedom for sexual minorities. It is about feeling comfortable in your own skin around people who share a love of discipline, order, respect, raw sexuality, open sexual expression, and a love of leather - the sight, smell, taste, feel and sound...steeped in tradition. When phrased as such, it does not seem so exclusive. This is not to say that leather roots and history and tradition are not important because they are integral to this concept of community. Without a knowledge of where we came from, there is no way to set your sights on where we can go.
That being said, I totally get why a gay leather male would not want me in his space. I understand why they feel like their culture has been diluted and polluted by the very thing they rebelled against...it is like when we are kids and we try out for a sports team, sometimes we just don't make the cut. There is this current idea that to hurt someone's feelings by not being inclusive is taboo and totally unacceptable. But so much of life is about making the cut, fitting in, being good enough and to try to disillusion the masses into a false sense of security in their ability or contribution does dilute the power of a team or in this case, a community. So now that it seems I have totally contradicted myself, I am going to muse on what I have observed...
I am going to use that high school analogy one more time. Do you remember walking into the high school cafeteria or wherever and seeing all the different groups - the nerds, the jocks, the drama, the goth -they all have their different style, lingo, mannerisms, and unspoken rules. Every single rule may not apply to every individual every time, but in a sense there is a group mentality where you act the part to be recognized by your chosen group and ultimately accepted. I have seen people do things that are ego dystonic becuase they want so bad to be part of a group. When the leather community originated, it seemed to follow this mold - look the part, act the part, speak the part, earn your way in. Even when it started, leather was not as 'uniform' as we would like to think. The reason there are so many arguments over what is 'true leather' or who really lived 'old guard' is because leather, at its essence, is what the individual makes of it. Even then there were leather men who were only into the appearance (what i have heard referred to in today's time as Stand and Model), there were those partially into kinky sex, totally into kinky sex, those that sat on both sides of the flogger and those who liked it all. However, they knew how to look or what to say to be a part of it all. They played by the rules in order to play the game. Yet, despite this conformity, leather is anything but conformity...it was a group designed to toe the line and push limits. They recognized a need to have company paving the way to hell (or at least one hell of a good time) and made it happen. I would imagine that when there was a lack of a group or something that was missing 'true leather folk' wouldn't stand around blaming the void on the groups or people that already existed...they would create a fix, a new clan, a new bar. So why is the concept of forging our own way to new ideals so hard to grasp in a community purposefully pushing limits and riding the edge?? I don't think I can actually answer that with just one blog and it would be overly ambitious of me to try.
So, what is it that I want specifically? I want a place to belong. I don't want to have to explain myself every time I go out, because they will get it. I want brothers and sisters I am willing to put my name, my reputation, and my resources on the line for because I know in an instant they would do the same for me. I want order and hierarchy based on experience and wisdom. I want energy exchange, raw sexuality, diversity, and play. I want to smell sweat and leather and sex and hear the effort it took to get there. I want a family who recognizes that there are traditions and roots and history that is rich and important but is only part of the leather journey we walk, for it cannot be changed, but the future can.
A really good friend once told me that if we had such a group, that lived out the ideals we wouldn't even have to call it leather. For all intents and purposes we could form a corduroy clan and it would have the same effect...but I just don't want to look down at my boy licking my 'corduroy' boots, wear a 'corduroy' vest, or swing a 'corduroy' flogger...because let's face it, what the hell does that even smell like?
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
That being said, I totally get why a gay leather male would not want me in his space. I understand why they feel like their culture has been diluted and polluted by the very thing they rebelled against...it is like when we are kids and we try out for a sports team, sometimes we just don't make the cut. There is this current idea that to hurt someone's feelings by not being inclusive is taboo and totally unacceptable. But so much of life is about making the cut, fitting in, being good enough and to try to disillusion the masses into a false sense of security in their ability or contribution does dilute the power of a team or in this case, a community. So now that it seems I have totally contradicted myself, I am going to muse on what I have observed...
I am going to use that high school analogy one more time. Do you remember walking into the high school cafeteria or wherever and seeing all the different groups - the nerds, the jocks, the drama, the goth -they all have their different style, lingo, mannerisms, and unspoken rules. Every single rule may not apply to every individual every time, but in a sense there is a group mentality where you act the part to be recognized by your chosen group and ultimately accepted. I have seen people do things that are ego dystonic becuase they want so bad to be part of a group. When the leather community originated, it seemed to follow this mold - look the part, act the part, speak the part, earn your way in. Even when it started, leather was not as 'uniform' as we would like to think. The reason there are so many arguments over what is 'true leather' or who really lived 'old guard' is because leather, at its essence, is what the individual makes of it. Even then there were leather men who were only into the appearance (what i have heard referred to in today's time as Stand and Model), there were those partially into kinky sex, totally into kinky sex, those that sat on both sides of the flogger and those who liked it all. However, they knew how to look or what to say to be a part of it all. They played by the rules in order to play the game. Yet, despite this conformity, leather is anything but conformity...it was a group designed to toe the line and push limits. They recognized a need to have company paving the way to hell (or at least one hell of a good time) and made it happen. I would imagine that when there was a lack of a group or something that was missing 'true leather folk' wouldn't stand around blaming the void on the groups or people that already existed...they would create a fix, a new clan, a new bar. So why is the concept of forging our own way to new ideals so hard to grasp in a community purposefully pushing limits and riding the edge?? I don't think I can actually answer that with just one blog and it would be overly ambitious of me to try.
So, what is it that I want specifically? I want a place to belong. I don't want to have to explain myself every time I go out, because they will get it. I want brothers and sisters I am willing to put my name, my reputation, and my resources on the line for because I know in an instant they would do the same for me. I want order and hierarchy based on experience and wisdom. I want energy exchange, raw sexuality, diversity, and play. I want to smell sweat and leather and sex and hear the effort it took to get there. I want a family who recognizes that there are traditions and roots and history that is rich and important but is only part of the leather journey we walk, for it cannot be changed, but the future can.
A really good friend once told me that if we had such a group, that lived out the ideals we wouldn't even have to call it leather. For all intents and purposes we could form a corduroy clan and it would have the same effect...but I just don't want to look down at my boy licking my 'corduroy' boots, wear a 'corduroy' vest, or swing a 'corduroy' flogger...because let's face it, what the hell does that even smell like?
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
Allow me to Introduce Myself...
My name is Daddy Rose, as I am sure you can read from the side tab. It is my intent to allow people a better understanding of what it means to be a Femme Daddy (at least from my perspective), but it would be silly to do it all in one post. Though I must admit it would be quite like me to try. Mostly what I would like to do in the introduction is set some ground rules...
At times I say things that are taboo or not as PC as they could be. If you don't like it, don't read my blog. I often use ..., sometimes excessively, and sometimes inappropriately...get over it. I invite discussion and engaging discourse about the topics I will eventually write about, look forward to it actually. At a bare minimum, I expect tolerance and respect of both myself and those that may comment on my page. I understand that the views reflected in my blog are my own views and may be highly subjective. I am well aware that there are as many definitions of certain terms as there are people in the world and I am attempting to give some credence to one that is not very well understood at all. I am ok with that. No, I am not transgendered. I have incredible respect for those that are as I have many friends that are and the topic may come up on occasion in this blog, but it is not the main focus and I fully embrace my cis-gendered nature. I will be working through and fleshing out the definition of myself as much as I am the general subject of Femme Daddies. At times I have been told I am funny as hell...I would venture a guess that 95% of the time it is unintentional and just who I am, so I wouldn't always expect it.
This venture is fully supported by the love and devotion of my boy, Lee. Without him, I do not think I would have come to my current understanding of who I am quite as quickly or as fully. My relationship with him has definitely influenced my identity as a Femme Daddy and I am grateful every day for his presence in my life. I could not have picked a more perfect travel mate for this journey and I sincerely hope that everyone can experience this type of love at some point in their life...it makes the world go round.
See, I have made it through the first post without word vomiting all of my ideas into one long runon unreadable mess of a post...and I bet you are curious enough to come back and see just what it is I may be talking about. Mission accomplished.
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
At times I say things that are taboo or not as PC as they could be. If you don't like it, don't read my blog. I often use ..., sometimes excessively, and sometimes inappropriately...get over it. I invite discussion and engaging discourse about the topics I will eventually write about, look forward to it actually. At a bare minimum, I expect tolerance and respect of both myself and those that may comment on my page. I understand that the views reflected in my blog are my own views and may be highly subjective. I am well aware that there are as many definitions of certain terms as there are people in the world and I am attempting to give some credence to one that is not very well understood at all. I am ok with that. No, I am not transgendered. I have incredible respect for those that are as I have many friends that are and the topic may come up on occasion in this blog, but it is not the main focus and I fully embrace my cis-gendered nature. I will be working through and fleshing out the definition of myself as much as I am the general subject of Femme Daddies. At times I have been told I am funny as hell...I would venture a guess that 95% of the time it is unintentional and just who I am, so I wouldn't always expect it.
This venture is fully supported by the love and devotion of my boy, Lee. Without him, I do not think I would have come to my current understanding of who I am quite as quickly or as fully. My relationship with him has definitely influenced my identity as a Femme Daddy and I am grateful every day for his presence in my life. I could not have picked a more perfect travel mate for this journey and I sincerely hope that everyone can experience this type of love at some point in their life...it makes the world go round.
See, I have made it through the first post without word vomiting all of my ideas into one long runon unreadable mess of a post...and I bet you are curious enough to come back and see just what it is I may be talking about. Mission accomplished.
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
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