Now is where I am sure someone somewhere is wishing lightning might strike me dead, if it they hadn't wished it already. I am by NO MEANS a leader or authority or historian or final voice or voice at all of the leather community. I am merely a participant observer. For a "true history" or as close as one can get to a history of a community that exists by word of mouth or experience or by actually walking the journey day to day and living to tell about it to us newbies, there are countless other resources that are better suited to the purpose and I will name just a few to start you off if that is what you seek:
Leather Archives Museum http://www.leatherarchives.org/
Women in Leather International http://www.wil-international.org/
National Leather Association - International http://www.nla-i.com/
Gay Leather Fetish History http://www.cuirmale.nl/index.htm
The Old Guard by Guy Baldwin http://www.blackandtansociety.com/ach/gbaldwin.html
This list is by no means extensive and I am by no means endorsing these sites over others, merely giving one a starting place if here is not where you want to be.
So with the hopefully sufficient disclaimer out of the way, why am I hopelessly drawn and engrossed in a subculture that does not seem to have a place for me? In my humble opinion at the core of leather is still this ideal of camaraderie, acceptance, and protection in the face of sexual repression or at the least a lack of true sexual freedom for sexual minorities. It is about feeling comfortable in your own skin around people who share a love of discipline, order, respect, raw sexuality, open sexual expression, and a love of leather - the sight, smell, taste, feel and sound...steeped in tradition. When phrased as such, it does not seem so exclusive. This is not to say that leather roots and history and tradition are not important because they are integral to this concept of community. Without a knowledge of where we came from, there is no way to set your sights on where we can go.
That being said, I totally get why a gay leather male would not want me in his space. I understand why they feel like their culture has been diluted and polluted by the very thing they rebelled against...it is like when we are kids and we try out for a sports team, sometimes we just don't make the cut. There is this current idea that to hurt someone's feelings by not being inclusive is taboo and totally unacceptable. But so much of life is about making the cut, fitting in, being good enough and to try to disillusion the masses into a false sense of security in their ability or contribution does dilute the power of a team or in this case, a community. So now that it seems I have totally contradicted myself, I am going to muse on what I have observed...
I am going to use that high school analogy one more time. Do you remember walking into the high school cafeteria or wherever and seeing all the different groups - the nerds, the jocks, the drama, the goth -they all have their different style, lingo, mannerisms, and unspoken rules. Every single rule may not apply to every individual every time, but in a sense there is a group mentality where you act the part to be recognized by your chosen group and ultimately accepted. I have seen people do things that are ego dystonic becuase they want so bad to be part of a group. When the leather community originated, it seemed to follow this mold - look the part, act the part, speak the part, earn your way in. Even when it started, leather was not as 'uniform' as we would like to think. The reason there are so many arguments over what is 'true leather' or who really lived 'old guard' is because leather, at its essence, is what the individual makes of it. Even then there were leather men who were only into the appearance (what i have heard referred to in today's time as Stand and Model), there were those partially into kinky sex, totally into kinky sex, those that sat on both sides of the flogger and those who liked it all. However, they knew how to look or what to say to be a part of it all. They played by the rules in order to play the game. Yet, despite this conformity, leather is anything but conformity...it was a group designed to toe the line and push limits. They recognized a need to have company paving the way to hell (or at least one hell of a good time) and made it happen. I would imagine that when there was a lack of a group or something that was missing 'true leather folk' wouldn't stand around blaming the void on the groups or people that already existed...they would create a fix, a new clan, a new bar. So why is the concept of forging our own way to new ideals so hard to grasp in a community purposefully pushing limits and riding the edge?? I don't think I can actually answer that with just one blog and it would be overly ambitious of me to try.
So, what is it that I want specifically? I want a place to belong. I don't want to have to explain myself every time I go out, because they will get it. I want brothers and sisters I am willing to put my name, my reputation, and my resources on the line for because I know in an instant they would do the same for me. I want order and hierarchy based on experience and wisdom. I want energy exchange, raw sexuality, diversity, and play. I want to smell sweat and leather and sex and hear the effort it took to get there. I want a family who recognizes that there are traditions and roots and history that is rich and important but is only part of the leather journey we walk, for it cannot be changed, but the future can.
A really good friend once told me that if we had such a group, that lived out the ideals we wouldn't even have to call it leather. For all intents and purposes we could form a corduroy clan and it would have the same effect...but I just don't want to look down at my boy licking my 'corduroy' boots, wear a 'corduroy' vest, or swing a 'corduroy' flogger...because let's face it, what the hell does that even smell like?
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
That being said, I totally get why a gay leather male would not want me in his space. I understand why they feel like their culture has been diluted and polluted by the very thing they rebelled against...it is like when we are kids and we try out for a sports team, sometimes we just don't make the cut. There is this current idea that to hurt someone's feelings by not being inclusive is taboo and totally unacceptable. But so much of life is about making the cut, fitting in, being good enough and to try to disillusion the masses into a false sense of security in their ability or contribution does dilute the power of a team or in this case, a community. So now that it seems I have totally contradicted myself, I am going to muse on what I have observed...
I am going to use that high school analogy one more time. Do you remember walking into the high school cafeteria or wherever and seeing all the different groups - the nerds, the jocks, the drama, the goth -they all have their different style, lingo, mannerisms, and unspoken rules. Every single rule may not apply to every individual every time, but in a sense there is a group mentality where you act the part to be recognized by your chosen group and ultimately accepted. I have seen people do things that are ego dystonic becuase they want so bad to be part of a group. When the leather community originated, it seemed to follow this mold - look the part, act the part, speak the part, earn your way in. Even when it started, leather was not as 'uniform' as we would like to think. The reason there are so many arguments over what is 'true leather' or who really lived 'old guard' is because leather, at its essence, is what the individual makes of it. Even then there were leather men who were only into the appearance (what i have heard referred to in today's time as Stand and Model), there were those partially into kinky sex, totally into kinky sex, those that sat on both sides of the flogger and those who liked it all. However, they knew how to look or what to say to be a part of it all. They played by the rules in order to play the game. Yet, despite this conformity, leather is anything but conformity...it was a group designed to toe the line and push limits. They recognized a need to have company paving the way to hell (or at least one hell of a good time) and made it happen. I would imagine that when there was a lack of a group or something that was missing 'true leather folk' wouldn't stand around blaming the void on the groups or people that already existed...they would create a fix, a new clan, a new bar. So why is the concept of forging our own way to new ideals so hard to grasp in a community purposefully pushing limits and riding the edge?? I don't think I can actually answer that with just one blog and it would be overly ambitious of me to try.
So, what is it that I want specifically? I want a place to belong. I don't want to have to explain myself every time I go out, because they will get it. I want brothers and sisters I am willing to put my name, my reputation, and my resources on the line for because I know in an instant they would do the same for me. I want order and hierarchy based on experience and wisdom. I want energy exchange, raw sexuality, diversity, and play. I want to smell sweat and leather and sex and hear the effort it took to get there. I want a family who recognizes that there are traditions and roots and history that is rich and important but is only part of the leather journey we walk, for it cannot be changed, but the future can.
A really good friend once told me that if we had such a group, that lived out the ideals we wouldn't even have to call it leather. For all intents and purposes we could form a corduroy clan and it would have the same effect...but I just don't want to look down at my boy licking my 'corduroy' boots, wear a 'corduroy' vest, or swing a 'corduroy' flogger...because let's face it, what the hell does that even smell like?
Cheers,
Daddy Rose
It smells like the '70s <3
ReplyDelete~Hannah